and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
