apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
