I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
