He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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