your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
