i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
