your parents love me but you hate me
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
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