Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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