Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
