Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(201): View more from New Jersey

kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.

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(773): View more from Illinois

I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.

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(517): View more from Michigan

After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.

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(636): View more from Missouri

He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.

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(518): View more from New York

They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.

(1-518): View more from New York

Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.

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(706): View more from Georgia

I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level

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(970): View more from Colorado

I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.

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(312): View more from Illinois

Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.

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