When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
NoShamevember. You game?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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