I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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