I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
