According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
