Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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