That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
