One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
