its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
