This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
