fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
