He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
