Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize