I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
