bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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