so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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