If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
