this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
