thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
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