I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
