if you like me you must not know who I am
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
