doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
