no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Sober January is a disaster.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
