remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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