Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize