So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I smell stomach acid.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
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I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
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I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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