I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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