her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
