I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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