my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
