Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
