ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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