Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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