I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
