there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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