I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
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no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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