what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
