He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
We got so high we made milksteak
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"