what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.