Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...