all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
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Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
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You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.