Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.