You made me cry and you don't even care
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?