The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
