sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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