Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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