and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I wish I only lived at night.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
