she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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