i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
