jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
