his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
