My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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