at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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