I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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