If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
