I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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