Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
