Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
