this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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