I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
