Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
