im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
