We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
