I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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