i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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