if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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