"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
