I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
