He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
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this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
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She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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