So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
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Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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