i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
