Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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