that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
