We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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